Shadows of a Shattered Life
by Butterfly Betty
Summary: Life is just another step on the road. Sometimes, you manage not to fall, but when you do, the journey to stand is the hardest one to take. E/B, NC-17 for language and theme. Dark subject matter. A Drabble fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Shadows of a Shattered Life**

**Author Penname: Butterfly Betty**

**Rating: MA/NC-17**

**Summary: Life is just another step on the road. Sometimes, you manage not to fall, but when you do, the journey to stand is the hardest one to take.**

**Warnings: Dark subject matter. Tissues will be needed, at least they were for me, and I urge you to read with caution as this is a tale that is very close to my heart.**

—SSL—

I never thought much about my life. To most, I was just an average girl, living an average life in an average home, but in reality, none of that was true. Everything people saw on the outside was a lie — a vicious lie to cover up the reality of what was going inside the small, white house on Maple Drive. Sounds like a movie, doesn't it? I called it Hell.

People referred to me as dramatic, and maybe I was, but when you've lived through what I had, you'd be on the dramatic side, too. Hell . . . that's what I called it. Others referred it to a childhood. They were wrong.

I suppose it all began — like it does for most — when my parents decided that getting a divorce was better than living with each other. Charlie and Renee were the definition of dysfunction. Yelling and screaming, crashing plates and broken windows; they might as well have been the shards of my life being shattered into millions of tiny pieces.

Honestly, the day my parents sat me down in the living room and told me they were splitting up was the best moment of my life — quickly followed by the worst. Instead of getting to live with my father, the man who I'd idolized as my hero since I was old enough to know what a hero was, I was being shuffled off to Arizona with my mother. Renee didn't want me, her hateful glares and harsh words told me everything I needed to know about how dear old mom felt about me. She just didn't want Charlie to be happy and being able to raise me would have brought him happiness. Her spitefulness would be my downfall.

The day she tore me out of his life, I remember screaming for her to let me stay with him, begging her to stop loving me. It didn't matter — nothing ever did. Charlie — in the middle of the street, on his knees with his hands reaching for Renee's car as she drove away with me — would be an image that would haunt me. It'd be almost ten years before I saw my father again. Ten years of living through one Hell after another. Ten years of living in the shadows.

**A/N: This was my submission for the Fandom for Suicide Awareness compilation. It was a very personal cause to me for many reasons. When I sat down to begin this piece, I knew it would be an emotionally charge one for me, like they all are. There's a lot of myself in these words, and I would wager to bed, a lot of all of us. So I want to say now thank you for taking the time to read. I know the chapters are short, they won't be any longer than this, but the good news is that since this is complete, it will update daily. There are 29 chapters in total.**


	2. Chapter 2

—SSL—

"Bella, are you ready?"

Sighing, I looked over my shoulder, finding myself looking at a pair of deep, blue ones. Unlike some eyes I've been forced to look upon over the years, these are kind and gentle, reassuring and full of promise for a future that I don't know I will ever see, or want to. "I suppose."

"You don't sound sure," he said, cocking an eyebrow. I hated that look; it pissed me off and made me want to claw his skin off with my bare-hands.

"I'm sure," I lied. The fib rolled right off of my tongue like silk, though I could tell he didn't believe me. "Is he here?"

"He is." Moving around the bed, he placed his hand on my shoulder, ignoring the way I flinched away from him. "He won't hurt you."

I nodded. "They always say that, but then . . . they do."

Choosing not to argue with me anymore, he turned and led me out of the room, down the hallway, and through the double set of locked doors. I paused and looked back at the ward that's been my home for the last few months. Part of me would miss it, while the other part of me wished I'd never come there.

Charlie was standing there when I walked through the doors. The years hadn't been any kinder to him than they had me. The once young and carefree man looked haggard and old. Dark circles caressed his eyes, wrinkles bit into his skin. His soft hair that I used to beg him to let me brush was thinning now. He had his hands shoved deep into his back pockets and he was bouncing on his toes. I couldn't tell if he was excited or scared. Probably both. Shifting his eyes up, he spotted me and smiled. He took a step toward me, but stopped when I moved backward.

"Hey, honey, I've missed you," he said, sounding like he was trying to stave off his tears.

I nodded, pulling my bottom lip between my teeth. "Me too."

Charlie looked away from me, settling his attention on Garrett. "Thank you, Dr. Mitchell."

"Don't thank me. She did all the work." Garrett placed his hand on my shoulder and turned me to face him. "You're ready for this. Just call if you need me."

"Okay," I whispered.

Garrett left me standing there with Charlie, who looked as nervous as I felt. "Well," Charlie said, holding his hand out to me, "are you ready?"

"As I will ever be."

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	3. Chapter 3

—SSL—

Weeks had passed since I'd returned to my father's house and I tried to adjust to being back with Charlie. Garrett had assured me that he hadn't told Charlie my secrets, that he would leave that to me to do when I was ready — if I was ever ready. Charlie never pressed me for more, either. Maybe Charlie didn't know, but there were times when I'd find him watching me, and I could swear he could see right through me. It was in those moments when I felt the world closing in around me again, so I'd make up whatever excuse I could and run.

Just run. As far and as hard as I could.

Eventually, I would end up down by the river, thankful that in Washington State I didn't have to worry about the sun beating down on me. The slow, penetrating mist helped to wash away my tears of humiliation and despair. At least the ones on the surface. The ones that had seeped into my soul burned the most, reminding me on a daily basis of what I'd given up: my innocence, my life, my sanity.

"Hello." A voice startled me from behind.

Spinning around, I found a boy around my age standing ten feet behind me. He was tall, towering over me by several inches in fact, and had messy, auburn hair. However, it wasn't any of those things that drew my attention to him. No, it was his eyes. Deep green and full of hope, they made me want to weep with the amount of kindness in them.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He laughed. "You're new here, right? Chief Swan's daughter? Isabella or something?"

I wanted to speak to him, but the words died out in my throat, so instead I nodded my head slowly.

"I'm Edward Masen. My Mom and I live next to you. Pretty sure your room faces mine, though I can't say for sure since your shades are always pulled down." Edward's eyes flew open. "Not that I'd been trying to peek into your room or anything. Fuck it; I'll just shut up now."

I giggled. I tried not to, but I giggled at the ramblings coming from this boy.

"Let me start over. My name is Edward and I am not a stalker." Edward held his hand out to me, but all I could do was stare at it. Could I touch him without freaking out? Before I could make my choice, his hand dropped to his side. "Guess I really fucked up this whole introduction thing, didn't I?"

I shook my head and opened my mouth, but once again, the words didn't want to come out.

"I'd better go. Maybe I'll see you again sometime, beautiful." Flashing me a brilliant smile, Edward turned and started running back up the trail leading to our houses.

"Bye," I whispered when he was out of earshot. Sighing, I turned to the river. "My name is Bella, by the way."

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	4. Chapter 4

—SSL—

It would be three more days before I would see Edward again. Though, I will be honest and say that I did check to see if his room was across from mine. And by check, I mean, peeked through the blinds while hoping he wouldn't catch me. He didn't.

Just like before, I'd ran out of Charlie's house after becoming overwhelmed with life in general and once again found myself standing next to the river. However, this time, I found myself on the edge of the bank, watching the water rush by in a hurry. It would be easy enough to just step into the rapids and let it carry me away. Maybe then I'd find the peaceful surrender that I yearned for.

"It's cold." I didn't look back at Edward this time. Instead, I kept my eyes down. "I didn't know if you'd be here, Isabella, but I wanted you to be."

Even though I fought against it, I felt my head tilting up and my attention shifting to him. He watched me with an intensity that both thrilled me and scared me.

"You know, this would be a lot easier if you'd talk to me." He smirked.

Frowning, I turned away. I hated men who smirked. It meant they were cocky, sure of themselves. Arrogance was a weapon they used to subdue those weaker than them. People like me.

"Are you going to jump?" he asked and I snapped my head around to him. "You look like you're ready to take the plunge at any moment. That'd be a shame."

"No, the shame is having to live every day."

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	5. Chapter 5

—SSL—

Edward appeared not to know what to say so I turned and walked away from him, though I didn't want to. Charlie was sitting in the kitchen with a cup of coffee and his chin resting on the palm of his hand when I walked in. The relief in his eyes didn't go unnoticed, but I struggled to reassure him that — for now at least — I was okay. Maybe it's because I knew I'd be lying to both of us. Nothing was okay; nothing would be okay ever again. The nightly terrors I lived through were proof of that.

"Hey, where'd you go?" he asked, motioning for me to sit down. I slid into the seat, wondering if he'd ever understand that I wasn't the seven year old girl who hung on his every word. No, now I was a cynical seventeen year old who'd been through Hell and still wasn't allowed to die.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Around."

Charlie sighed. "Are you hungry? I could make us something to eat?"

"Since when do you cook?" I wondered.

Shifting his eyes away from mine, Charlie took a deep breath. "For a while now."

That was Charlie code for since I left. Pulling my knees up in front of me, I tried to push back the guilt for leaving Charlie alone. It wasn't my fault — logically I knew this — but that didn't keep me from putting the blame on myself. I should have fought harder, saved us both from years of living in Hell.

"Will you make me pancakes?" I asked. Charlie looked back at me, a wide handsome smile on his lips. "With chocolate chips."

Nodding, he jumped out of his seat. "Anything for you, Bella. Anything."

Even I knew that Charlie really meant it when he said he'd do anything for me. The problem was he couldn't. I was already dead.

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	6. Chapter 6

—SSL—

More weeks passed and suddenly, we were staring at the first of August and that meant preparing for school. My nightmares got worse, the shadows that haunted me made sure I knew they were there — always there. Charlie would come in and try to help. He'd hold me while I screamed, whisper stories from when I was little in my ear, but nothing helped. The only time I found myself not feeling the urge to end it all was when I was standing by the edge of the river, which is where I was when Edward came upon me once again.

"You seem to like this place," he mentioned.

I snorted, wanting to congratulation him on being Captain Obvious, but I refrained. "Yep," I simply stated. Today, I'd sat on the edge with my legs hanging over the small cliff. My bare-feet could almost touch the water. "What are you doing here? Don't you have another girl to stalk?"

"Nah, they're boring compared to you." Edward sat next to me. His toes actually touched the water. "I mean, we have such stimulating conversations."

I rolled my eyes, though I'll admit to fighting the urge to smile. Edward had a charm that most people our age didn't. "Whatever."

"See! What a clever comeback," he chuckled. "School is starting soon. Are you ready?"

"I guess," I muttered. "What year are you?"

"Senior. How about you?" Edward asked.

"Same," I whispered. "Is it a big school? A lot of kids?"

"I don't know. There are a few hundred, I guess. Not like my school in Chicago. We had probably a thousand students."

"When'd you move here?"

"Last fall," he replied. "My Mom thought it would be a good place to start over."

"You don't sound very excited," I said.

"I wasn't." Edward looked over at me. "But things are definitely looking up."

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	7. Chapter 7

—SSL—

The day school finally started, I found myself feeling anxious and nervous. It'd been too long since I'd found myself surrounded by so many people and I wasn't sure I was ready — or able — to handle it. Charlie was sitting on the sofa, watching me pacing back and forth. He'd been up with me all night, trying to do what he could to ease away my fears.

"We'd better go, or you're gonna be late," he said, standing up. Slowly, almost methodically, Charlie walked up to me and placed his hands on my shoulders. I tried to hide my flinch, but as usual I failed. "I'm here. Anytime you need me, Bella."

The sincerity in my father's eyes and words had tears filling mine. Nodding, I managed to choke out, "Okay, Charlie."

Kissing my forehead before he released me, Charlie and I headed out to his car. The ride from his house to the school felt like it took years and not minutes. Before I was ready, Charlie was parked in front of Forks High School. Back in another life, I'd been a happy student in their elementary school; the idea of ever being big enough to attend the big school was lost on me. I wanted to go back to then, back to when life was simple and all I had to do was be a kid.

Following Charlie's lead, I climbed out of the car and walked into the school. Typically, everyone stopped and stared at the new girl. Just what I needed: more people gawking at the pathetic waste of time and space.

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	8. Chapter 8

—SSL—

I'm not sure how I managed to make it through that first day. Each new class brought a new level of panic. Maybe these people weren't taught that it wasn't polite to stare, or they just didn't care, but their eyes lingered on me longer than what was considered okay. I tried not to let it bother me, I really did, but by the time lunch came rolling around, I found myself struggling to breathe, struggling not to claw at my own skin, struggling not to give up.

The moment the bell rang, I bolted through the crowd and out the front door, sucking in as much fresh air as I could. My lungs burned, and my knees trembled, yet somehow I managed to keep myself from falling and screaming.

"Isabella." Spinning around, I saw Edward standing behind me with a look of anguish on his face. Lifting his arm, he held his hand out to me. "It's okay."

"Okay?" I stammered. "Nothing is okay. Nothing will ever be okay!"

"It is with me," he insisted, closing the distance between the two of us. His hands came up to cup my face. The moment his skin touched mine, the river of tears I'd been fighting to hold back fell. "Shh, it's okay."

"Nothing is okay," I wept, leaning into him. "I want to go back."

"Back where?" he whispered, cradling me against him.

"Back to when breathing didn't hurt," I mumbled.

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	9. Chapter 9

—SSL—

Edward didn't question me and for that, I was glad. I'd already shared too much with him; let him into my life when it would have been better for both of us if I hadn't. Once I'd managed to calm down and stop crying, he held my hand and led me back into the school. The hallways were deserted, which I was glad about. Making a fool of myself for the second time would have been my undoing. Instead of leading me into the cafeteria, Edward headed in the other direction. He stopped outside of a set of double doors.

"Do you trust me?" he asked.

"I don't know yet."

Accepting that was all I could give, Edward pushed open the doors and led me into a library. Not just any library, either, but a giant library with hundreds upon hundreds of books. However, the books weren't what grabbed my attention. No, it was the people sitting around a large, circular table; two boys and two girls, watching and waiting to see what I'd do next.

The first of the boys was big — too big in my opinion. He had curly brown hair and large, baby blue eyes. It was his eyes that told me that while he may be scary on the outside, inside he wasn't. There was an old soul inside of him, and something told me that he wasn't a stranger to pain.

Next to him was a voluptuous woman with long, silky blond hair and striking gray-blue eyes. If it wasn't the scars on her neck that she was trying to hide with a well-placed scarf, I would have thought her life was perfect.

The other boy had wavy blond hair that hung down around his face, almost hiding himself from the rest of us. Though, his steely eyes followed my every moment, his body was rigid. With a nod, he tore his attention off of me and chose to look at the girl next to him.

Compared to the other three, she seemed like a tiny child, delicate and fragile. Her dark black hair had been cut into a spiky pixie cut and she had colored the tips a bright red. Her eyes, large and doe-like, were full of wonderment and curiosity.

"Guys, this is Isabella," Edward said, pulling me toward the table. "Isabella, this is Emmett McCarty, Rosalie Hale, Jasper Whitlock, and Alice Brandon. We're the Misfits Club."

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	10. Chapter 10

—SSL—

The dictionary defines misfits as a person who is poorly adapted to a situation or environment. I wasn't sure why Edward and his friends called themselves the Misfits Club, but it didn't take me long to realize that the term was being used accurately.

When the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch, Edward and I followed them out into the hallway. What I saw could only be described like watching Moses' part the Red Sea. With each step we took, the people in front of us moved out of the way. Some might have thought it was out of respect, but I saw it for what it was: fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of anyone who was different than them. When we reached the end of the hallway, I looked back and watched as everyone trickled back into the middle.

_Sheep_, I thought, _they're like sheep_.

"Come on, Isabella," Edward urged, holding open a large, iron door for me. Biting my bottom lip, I wondered if I could trust him — really trust him. So far he'd been there, but was it just a rouse to get me to let my guard down. "Come on," he said again. "We're not the bad guys. I promise."

"Yeah?" I asked. "Funny, that's what all the bad guys say."

"Look me in the eyes, Isabella," he ordered, though his tone wasn't harsh or commanding. Doing as he asked, I released a heavy breath. "I will not hurt you. They will not hurt you."

"How can I know that?" I murmured.

Edward lifted my arm up, pulling down the sleeve of my black shirt. I tried to pull away, but before I could, he held his arm up and pressed it against mine. Three inches long, he bore a scar just like mine — only older.

"Because there's not a one of us who hasn't been there." Edward released his hold on my arm. "There's not a one of us who hasn't wanted to die."

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	11. Chapter 11

—SSL—

The weight of Edward's omission had me following him before I realized what I was doing. Edward led me up a spiraling staircase to what appeared to be a hidden room above the science lab. Emmett and Rosalie were sitting on a couple of beanbags while Alice and Jasper were sprawled on an old air mattress.  
Edward took hold of my hand again and led me over to a couple of torn up lawn chairs, gesturing for me to sit, which I did.

"We'd like to welcome Isabella . . ." he started, but I interrupted him.

"Bella," I muttered, pulling everyone's attention to me. "I hate the name Isabella."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Edward asked.

"Because I wasn't sure I liked you or not," I admitted. "Don't call me Isabella. Please."

"Okay, we'd like to welcome Bella into the misfits club," he stated.

"Are we sure she belongs?" Rosalie bit out, the harshness in her words should have startled me, but it wasn't anything I hadn't dealt with before.

"Show them." Edward's request was simple, yet I found myself trembling as I held my arms up and shimmied my sleeves down, revealing the scars on each wrist. "Anymore doubt, Rose?"

She shook her head and leaned against Emmett.

"I didn't think so," Edward groused sitting down next to me.

"Where are you from?" Alice asked, her voice soft yet edgy.

"Why do you want to know?" I asked.

She shrugged her shoulders. "Curious."

"Here originally, but I've been in Arizona for a long time." I pulled my knees up in front of me.

"Bet it was warm there." She smiled. "I almost remember warmth."

"Almost?" I asked.

Shifting her eyes to mine, her smile turned into a frown. "There was an accident, a few years back. I don't — I don't remember much from before and what I do is murky at best."

"Some might consider you lucky," I muttered.

"Maybe," she admitted. "But being lost in the dark with no clue who you are, or where you belong doesn't feel very lucky to me."

"Better than having to feel everything over and over. I'd give anything to be able to forget," I mumbled.

"Forgetting doesn't make the pain go away, Bella," she cried out. Jasper pulled her into his arms. "Forgetting just makes the soul weaker."

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	12. Chapter 12

—SSL—

I wasn't sure I cared for the members of this so-called Misfits Club. Sure, it was clear that we all knew a thing or two about living in Hell, but could I really trust them? Was their idea of pain not knowing what the warmth of the sun felt like? I knew I'd felt the scorching heat for too long, and it wasn't something I wanted to feel ever again — not even if it helped me to forget.

For weeks, I nestled myself into the protection the Misfits Club offered. Most people seemed to know to stay away from us. Perhaps they could see the edge we were walking, or maybe they didn't care, but they ignored us and we returned the favor. It wasn't until a Friday in early October that everything came tumbling down — again.

Mike Newton, a thin, smarmy-looking boy with dirty blond hair and beady blue eyes, snuck up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and pressing his body against mine.

Two things happened in that moment. First — I screamed louder than I'd ever screamed before, drawing the attention of everyone around us. Second — a myriad of pictures flashed through my head: a pair of dark, evil eyes; two hands gripping mine and pulling them over my head; my shirt being ripped open; and . . .

"NO — NO — NO — NO!" I shrieked, fighting against the arms wrapped around me.

While the other students did nothing — nothing but stare and laugh — Emmett, Edward, and Jasper ripped me away from him, shoving me toward Rose and Alice before slamming him against the wall. I'll never know what they told him when they leaned in and whispered in his ear, I'm not sure I want to know, but the words that trickled into his ears had him paling and nodding his head venomously.

Mike scurried away, whimpering under his breath. Emmett, Jasper and Edward looked back at me. Edward held his hand out to me, but I shook my head and pulled myself away from them all.

"Just forget me. I'm better off dead," I muttered.

Turning on my heel, I took off running, not caring who I was pushing out of the way, but knowing I needed to get out of there. I threw open the front doors and ran as hard as I could, for as far as I could. I didn't know where I was going until I found myself standing at the edge of the river again.

"Bella, don't!" Edward yelled. I spun on my heel, finding him standing ten feet away from me. "Please, don't."

"I can't do this anymore," I wept. "The pain, the memories. They never go away. Ever."

"I know, baby, I know, but ending your life isn't going to help," he insisted.

"Then what will?" I begged.

Edward smiled. "For me, it was finding you."

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	13. Chapter 13

—SSL—

All I could do was stare at him, trying to understand what he meant, but no matter how hard I did, the idea of me saving Edward from anything was simply ridiculous.

"I can see the doubt in your eyes," he said. "But it's true. That day I met you, standing right here and looking like you were ready to crumbled, that day was my breaking point, Bella. I was ready to give up, to throw my life away because it would have been a hell of a lot better than staying here where . . ."

"Where what?" I asked.

Edward's eyes flittered to a close. "Where I'm not wanted."

"Who doesn't want you?" A tremor laced my words.

"Everyone. My mom spends all day drowning her sorrows in a bottle rather than see me standing there, begging for her to see that I didn't die, too. Three years ago, my father and I were on our way home from a baseball game when our car stalled on a set of railroad tracks. By the time we noticed the train rounding the corner there wasn't much we could do. He'd been having problems with his door for weeks, and it had gotten stuck. My father screamed at me to get out and run." Edward shifted his eyes away from me. "So I did. I left him there to die, like a coward."

"He gave his life for you," I murmured.

Edward snapped his attention to me. "Don't you think I know that? Everyone was so quick to tell me how much my father loved me, how he gave up everything for me. I need him, Bella; I need him to teach me how to be a man!"

"Edward, I . . ." Shaking my head, I let my words die out in my throat.

"I'm not asking for pity, Bella. I'm asking that you don't leave me, too."

"Why me? Why do I matter, Edward? I'm nothing. Not even worth worrying about."

"God, Bella, you're everything to me!" he exclaimed. Slowly, he closed the gap between us and brought his hands up to my face. "I love you."

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	14. Chapter 14

—SSL—

For the second time in a matter of minutes, I found myself just staring at him. He loved me? Edward Masen claimed to love me? Closing my eyes, I sighed. "You're cruel."

"How? Because I love you?" he asked.

"No," I snapped, tearing myself out of his grip and walking away from him. "Because there's nothing about me to love. I'm damaged, Edward. There's nothing for me to give you because I am nothing. Don't you get it?"

"No, I don't get it, and you're wrong. There is so much about you to love. You just don't see it because someone fucked up your head," he countered.

"You don't know anything about me," I muttered, pushing past him. "And you never will."

Edward yelled for me to stop, but I ignored him and ran back to Charlie's, throwing the door open. Charlie was sitting on the sofa when I came in, promptly rushing to his feet. However, I ignored him and stormed up to my bedroom. Falling to the floor, I gripped my hair and screamed.

"Bella, honey, what's wrong?" Charlie asked, wrapping his arm around me and grabbing my hands and pulling them out of my hair. "Stop, you'll hurt yourself."

"Worthless and stupid!" I screamed fighting against him. "All my fault. I should have listened instead of being bad!"

"No, honey, you didn't do anything!" Charlie exclaimed, trying to speak over me.

"Daddy, Daddy, please don't leave me!" I sobbed. "I'll be good, I promise."

"Shh, honey, I'm never leaving you again," Charlie promised and somehow, I believed him.

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	15. Chapter 15

—SSL—

The early morning sun broke through the shades that hung in front of my windows, pulling me out of the deep sleep I'd drifted into. Charlie whispering that he loved me, that he was never leaving me again, was the last thing I remember. That and Edward declaring himself to me. Throwing the blankets off of myself, I realized that Charlie had placed me in my bed after I'd passed out. I moved over to the window and pulled the shade up. Across the way, Edward's curtains were drawn so I couldn't see into his room, which was both odd and scary. I'd gotten used to being able to see him there, but I'd ruined all of that, just like I did everything.

Brushing the tears off my cheeks, I turned and headed downstairs, finding Charlie in the kitchen. Once again, he had a cup of coffee in one hand and his forehead pressed against his other palm. He looked up at me and I immediately felt guilty. My grief had aged him again.

"Sit down," he said, dryly, nodding toward the chair.

Sliding into the seat across from him, I pulled my knees up to my chest, feeling the need to protect myself.

"Bella, tell me what happened yesterday," he requested.

Frowning, I shifted my eyes from his. "Nothing."

"Don't lie to me," he yelled, slamming his hand on the table. He must have seen the fear in my eyes because he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, but you came home yesterday and . . ." Charlie shook his head. "I can't help you, if you don't talk to me."

"You think if you know everything then you can help?" I scoffed. "You can't. Nobody can."

"Tell me what happened yesterday," he said, again.

I sighed. "It doesn't matter."

"It matters to me," Charlie snarked.

I laughed and pushed away from the table. "Since when does anything I do matter to you, Charlie. You left me to rot in Hell with her."

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	16. Chapter 16

—SSL—

Somehow — and I don't know how — I managed to stand up and leave Charlie sitting there with a look of pure and utter anguish on his face. It was harder than I thought, and I regretted my words the moment they slipped out from between my lips, but I couldn't take them back. Like everything, there was some damage that couldn't be fixed.

I opened the front door, shocked to find Edward leaning against the side of the house. Based on the fact that he was still wearing his clothes from the day before, I figured he must have followed me straight from the river and spent all night sitting here. I wasn't sure if I should feel flattered or pissed.

"Hey," I muttered, kicking him. "Go home."

"Bella?" he grumbled, blinking several times.

"No, it's the Easter Bunny. Get the Hell off my porch and go home," I snarled.

Edward scrambled to his feet. "No, not until you listen to me."

I reached behind me and shut the door. "Edward, you don't know what you are saying. You can't love me, it's impossible."

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I'm unlovable."

"You seriously believe that, don't you?" Edward stared at me with wide eyes. "You don't see yourself clearly, Bella."

"I see myself plenty clearly, Edward." I sighed. "There are things about me that you don't know, that you wouldn't understand. I'm not asking you to. Just do yourself a favor, Edward, and stay away from me. Trust me, everything I touch dies."

Maybe Edward didn't believe me, maybe he didn't care, but he reached up and cupped my cheek. "Not dead."

"Don't do that," I mumbled, automatically leaning into his touch. "Don't make light of what I say."

"I'm not, Bella, I promise." Edward moved closer to me and brought his other hand up. "But I'm not going to stop loving you just because you're scared. And I am not going to stop loving you just because you don't love me in return."

"Edward," I whimpered.

"I'm gonna kiss you now, Bella," he whispered, leaning closer to me. "Say no and I'll stop."

I wanted to tell him to stop, to leave, to save himself from me, but I found my lips parting and my breath catching in my chest. Time felt like it slowed down just as Edward's lips touched mine. In those few short moments, I almost felt happy.

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	17. Chapter 17

—SSL—

Pulling his lips from mine, but staying close, Edward whispered, "Come with me."

"Where?" I asked.

He smiled. "To the river, of course, silly girl."

Biting on my bottom lip, I looked back at the door, wondering if I needed to tell Charlie where I was going. Ultimately, I decided not to, seeing as I'd already broken his heart once today. Nodding, I took Edward's outstretched hand and allowed him to lead me down the front steps, around to the back of the house, and along the trail leading toward the river.

When we got there, Edward and I settled on a fallen log, one that we'd sat on before. Only this time, we were facing each other. There was a calmness around us, one that scared me, but I tried to push it away. I wanted to enjoy the moment and not fear them.

"Tell me why you got scared yesterday," Edward requested. I tensed, unsure if I wanted him to know. "You can trust me."

"I know, but it's not pretty."

"Nothing ever is," Edward said. "Watching my dad die, seeing my mom drowning in her grief." Edward pushed up the sleeves of his shirt. "A couple of years ago, it got to be too much. My mom had checked out of reality, and I was left to pick up the pieces while dealing with my own grief. Nobody tells you how to . . . cope, or whatever. One night, the nightmares had gotten really bad. I, um, walked into the bathroom and tried to splash some water on my face, but it didn't help. I was looking at myself and all I could see was the selfish little brat who'd caused his father to die, who'd left him behind. I threw my fist into the mirror, breaking it. The shards fell down into the sink. I remember picking up a big one and bringing it to my wrist . . ."

"You didn't feel it, did you?" I asked. Edward shook his head, dislodging the tears that lingered on his lashes. Closing my eyes, I heard myself admitting for the first time, to him and to myself, the truth. "I didn't feel it when I died, either."

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	18. Chapter 18

—SSL—

Edward just stared at me like he wasn't sure if I was telling the truth, or being figurative. I wish I could laugh and tell him I was kidding, but lying had never been my strong suit. Maybe if it had things wouldn't have ended up so fucked up.

"There is so much about me that you don't know," I said. "So much that Charlie doesn't even really know. Or maybe he does and he just doesn't want to talk about it with me. I don't know, and I'm not sure I want to."

Standing up, I began to pace. "As cliché as this sounds, it all started when I was fifteen. My mother, Renee had never been an attentive mother and when she left Charlie, she seemed to think it was her time to get a life or something. I wasn't enough for her."

"I'm sure that's not true," Edward told me.

I stopped and looked at him. "She told me as much. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't hear how I'd ruined her life, or how it was my fault that Charlie stopped loving her."

Resuming my pacing, I continued. "For the longest time, she just abused me verbally, but then she met him: Phil Dwyer. After that everything changed. I tried to stay out of their way, but no matter how hard I did, it never seemed to work. The first time she hit me, I knew it wouldn't be the last. She showed no remorse. Phil laughed and said that a little slut like me deserved that and so much more."

"How long did that go on?" Edward asked.

"Until just before my seventeenth birthday," I replied.

"Fuck," he muttered and shook his head.

"Don't feel pity for me, Edward, I don't deserve it."

"Nobody deserves to be abused, baby."

I laughed, though it wasn't funny. "I told you, Edward. You don't know me."

"I'm trying to know you," he countered, standing up, moving over to me, and cupping my face. "I love you, Bella."

Leaning into his touch, I whimpered, "Don't."

"I can't not love you." Edward brushed his thumb across my cheek. "And nothing you tell me is going to change that."

"Yeah?" I murmured. "Even if I said that I killed my mother?"

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	19. Chapter 19

—SSL—

Once again, Edward just stared at me.

"Renee married Phil six months after meeting him, and he moved into the house. I tried to stay out of their way, hoping that they'd get so lost in each other that they'd forget about me. And for a while it worked, but . . ."

"But what?" Though he asked, I could tell Edward wasn't sure he wanted to know. Not that I blamed him. Horror stories weren't supposed to be real.

"But then I messed everything up." I stepped back from Edward, wrapping my arms around my torso. "I'd stayed home from school because I had a fever. The flu had been going around my school. I don't know how long I'd been sleeping when I heard the front door open. Didn't think much about it because Phil didn't work. It wasn't until I heard the footsteps on the stairs that I knew something was wrong. Nobody ever came upstairs.

"I'd just managed to sit up when the door opened. Phil stood there with this look in his eyes." I brought my hand up to my mouth, trying to keep the sobs from exploding. "And I knew, somehow I knew."

"Baby, you don't have to tell me," Edward whispered.

"No, no; you wanted to know me, right?" I bit out. "He held me down and told me I'd been teasing him, that he'd wanted me from the moment he first saw me. I can still smell his breath; feel his hands roaming over my body. No matter how hard I fought against him, or begged him to stop, he wouldn't. He wouldn't, Edward!" I screamed.

"Shh." Reaching out, he pulled me into his arms, one hand slipping into my hair and the other wrapped around my waist.

"She walked in on him while he . . . Stupidly, I thought she'd stop him, but she didn't. She called me a whore, and said I deserved everything I got," I cried. "My mother left me alone with him."

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	20. Chapter 20

—SSL—

For several minutes, Edward held me while I cried. The shattered remains of my soul were exposed and it made me feel uneasy and antsy, yet I found myself unable to keep everything to myself anymore. It was like once Edward busted through the wall around me, the need for him to understand became too intense for me to fight off.

"This went on for days," I murmured, laying my head on his chest. "He'd have his way with me and then leave me there to cry, to bleed, to die a little more. Every time he'd leave me alone, I'd pray that God would kill me, or that he'd take me away from there, but he didn't. Instead, he left me in Hell. Eventually, I just became numb to it all. It was easier to lay there and let him do whatever he wanted than to fight him. Besides, he hurt me either way.

"I was sure that I'd never see the outside of that room again. Phil had been careful to always lock the door behind him when he left so I couldn't leave. But then, after a particularly brutal night, Phil stumbled out of my room and the door didn't close all the way. I don't remember making the decision to get off the bed, or to even leave the room, but I found myself trying to get down the stairs. I made it halfway when Phil appeared at the bottom. I screamed for him to leave me alone, but he came at me, grabbed my hair, and threw me downstairs. Renee came running in, a glass of booze in her hand and a sneer on her face.

"She told him to take me into the living room, which he did. Phil threw me on the floor and held me down while Renee knelt next to my head. She'd gone back into the kitchen and grabbed a pair of scissors. Grabbing my hair, she started cutting it off, calling me a dirty whore, who'd ruined her life. She said if she'd known I'd be so much trouble, she would have never have had me."

I took a shaky breath. "Somehow, and again I don't remember making the decision to do so, I managed to push Phil off of me. He fell back against the fireplace, hitting his head on the hearth. Renee screamed, calling me a bitch. She tried to stab me with the scissors, but I managed to wrestle them out of Renee's hands and shove them into her gut."

Looking up at Edward, I shook my head. "I sat in the corner and watched them die until the police showed up. The neighbors had finally gotten concerned about my screaming. Too bad it took them almost two weeks, right? A few weeks later, I sliced my wrists and prayed that God would let me die, but he didn't. The foster mom who I'd been living with while they tried to find Charlie found me in the bathroom and rushed me to the hospital. The judge ordered me to stay on the mental floor, under strict supervision, while they sorted everything out."

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	21. Chapter 21

—SSL—

"I still love you," Edward whispered in my ear. For the last half an hour, we'd just been sitting on the bank of the river in complete silence. Though I could tell that my story wasn't what Edward expected me to divulge, he held my hand and pulled me close to him.

"You shouldn't," I muttered. "I'm damaged, Edward. Broken beyond repair. You need to find yourself a girl who can give you normal. That's not me."

"Normal is highly overrated." Edward shrugged his shoulders, giving me a cheeky smile. "There's a reason we call ourselves misfits, Bella. We don't belong with the happy people, you know. I mean, fuck, Bella, my mom would rather cozy up to a bottle of Vodka than even look at me. Alice doesn't know who the fuck she is, or where she came from. Emmett, Jasper, Rose — all of them have their own stories, ones you'll have to ask them about, but together, we're a family. At least we know we can count on each other when things get tough."

"You make it sound easy," I whimpered. "What if when they know everything they don't want me there anymore?"

"They will, but if they don't, then they can go to Hell, because, baby, I'm not leaving you."

Sighing, I looked out over the water. "You're not going to make this easy for me, are you?"

"Nope." Edward smirked and I balled my hands into fists. "What?"

"I hate people who smirk," I groused. "He'd smirk. Every time he ordered me around, leering at me, he'd have that fucking smirk on his face."

"Okay, I'll try to stop doing that," Edward said, putting on a straight face. "Can I kiss you again?"

Rolling my eyes, I tilted my head toward him. "Promise not to hurt me?"

"I promise." Smiling, Edward leaned down and pressed a simple kiss on my lips. "See, that didn't hurt."

"No, it didn't," I mused. "What if I can't love you back? I don't know that I can be the woman you need."

"You already are." Edward pressed his forehead against mine. "One day, you'll see it."

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	22. Chapter 22

—SSL—

The days that followed my confession to Edward were both the best and worst days of my life. Charlie had been waiting on the porch for me when we got back. While he didn't say anything to Edward, the death glare he gave him made it clear that Charlie didn't approve. Like that would have mattered. I loved my father, but he'd lost the right to dictate my life when he let Renee take me away from him.

Once Edward left, Charlie tried to talk to me again, but I just couldn't. I already felt like I'd bared my soul enough for one day. So instead, I shoved my way past him, told him to leave me the fuck alone, and locked myself in my bedroom. Charlie — being the stubborn bastard that he was — didn't. He spent the rest of the weekend banging on my door, begging me to talk to him. I'll give the man credit; he was proving that he wasn't giving up on me.

On Monday morning, I came out of my room to find Charlie leaning against the wall outside of my bedroom with a blanket and pillow. Bringing my hand up to my mouth, I choked back a sob. "Charlie?"

Charlie awoke with a start, his brown eyes snapping up to meet mine. The pleading look of hope had me falling to my knees. I wanted to let Charlie in, to let him hold me while I cried and confessed my sins, but I couldn't risk losing him.

"I'm sorry that I'm not strong enough," I wept. "The anger, the pain — it's too much for me to handle and I get so scared."

"Don't be sorry, honey," he cried, pulling me into his lap. "I wish so many things, Bella: to have been a better father, to have been able to stop her from taking you away from me. I wish I could have been there to stop that son-of-a-bitch from ever touching you, but I can't. And as much as I hate it, I have to live everyday knowing I let you down. But, honey, none of this is your fault."

"Everyone says that," I whispered, sliding out from his arms and standing up, "but I don't believe it."

"Why don't you?" he asked, scrambling to his feet.

Shaking my head, I replied, "Because I still see their blood on my hands."

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	23. Chapter 23

—SSL—

Charlie did his best to convince me — as so many people had over the last few months — that nothing I did was my fault. And logically, I knew he was right, but logic wasn't making the guilt and shame go away. I had never asked for Phil Dwyer to barge into my room and rape me repeatedly, but he did. I never asked Renee to stop loving me, to allow her husband to take away my innocence and tear holes in my soul, but she did. Now, I was expected to just accept that my hands were clean. If only life was that easy.

"Did she ever love me?" I asked, looking over at Charlie. We were parked in front of the school, though I hadn't made any effort to get out of the car. The uneasy panic that had been nagging me for three days was in full force. "I can't remember a time when I didn't feel like I was the problem."

"She did," he replied. "Maybe she stopped around the same time that she stopped loving me. I don't know, honey. I've asked myself the same thing so many times, but I just don't know."

Sighing, I shifted my attention out the window. "Did you fight for me?"

"Every day," he choked out. Tears stung my eyes, though I couldn't look back at him. "I should have been stronger, faster, smarter. If I'd known . . ."

"Yeah, if only," I muttered, opening the car door. "If only I hadn't been such a whore."

"Honey, you've never been a whore," Charlie insisted.

I laughed and climbed out. "That's what people always say to the whore, isn't it?

I left Charlie sitting in the car with his mouth hanging open. I hated that I was hurting him, that he was trying to help me but couldn't, yet I didn't know how to let him in. For ten years, I waited for him to come find me, to nestled me back inside his arms and tell me that he still loved me. And I knew he still did, but the damage had been done. My life had been shattered and I was simply living in the shadows.

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	24. Chapter 24

—SSL—

Walking into the school took more strength than I'd ever realized. Edward was waiting for me just inside the door. The moment I strode in he had my hand wrapped tightly in his. I should have pulled away from him, but I couldn't. Whether or not I wanted to admit it, I needed him.

Eyes followed us, staring at the freaks. I couldn't blame them. It's only been seventy-two hours since I'd made a fool of myself and let my guard down. Emmett, Rose, Jasper, and Alice were waiting for us in front of my locker. It wasn't until that moment that I saw them the way Edward did. Whether I wanted to believe it or now, we were a family, brought together by our dysfunctional pasts.

"God, how much longer until school is over?" Rose grumbled, folding her arms in front of her.

"Too long," Emmett groaned and leaned against the lockers behind him. "So ready to get out of this fucking town."

"Where would you go?" I asked.

Emmett looked at me in surprise. Maybe it was because for the last few weeks, I hadn't said anything to him. "If I could go anywhere, I'd go back in time."

"Yeah?" I inquired. Emmett nodded. "Why?"

Pushing away from the lockers, Emmett leaned toward me and whispered, "Because then I would have made sure that they couldn't stop me from killing myself. Living sucks, but the living through the memories of Hell sucks even more."

Before I could ask what he meant, Emmett reached behind him and grabbed Rose's hand, leading her down the hallway. Jasper and Alice followed, leaving Edward and I standing there.

Leaning his forehead against mine, Edward murmured, "See, one big family."

I nodded. "Yeah, I guess so."

As the day went on, people continued to stare. There were whispers; some discreet, some not so discreet. I only heard bits and pieces, but it would appear that Mike Newton had scrambled out of the school Friday in tears after pissing his pants. Everyone laughed at him, calling him names and teasing the fuck out of him.

Just before lunch, I dropped my books in my locker before making my way toward the library. The hallways were eerily quiet; leaving a feeling of foreboding that followed me with each step I took. Edward was standing outside of the library, waiting for me like he said he always would be. The feelings that welled up inside of me scared me, yet filled me with peace.

He smiled and held his hand out toward me, and I knew — without a shadow of a doubt — that I was in love with Edward.

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	25. Chapter 25

—SSL—

I should have seen it coming. Just when I had begun to let myself believe that I could be happy, that God had forgiven me for being a whore, everything blew up in front of me. While reaching out of Edward's hand, I saw Mike storming down the hallway. Something — and I'm not entirely sure what — told me that everything was going to Hell. There was a look in Mike's eyes, one that would haunt me forever.

Time slowed down as Mike raised his arm; clutched tightly in his hand was a silver handgun. I shifted my attention from him, to Edward, who hadn't seemed to have seen it, and back to Mike. The pure anger and undulated hate pouring off of Mike had bile creeping up my throat and a scream fighting to be released.

Though it came out muffled, I heard myself screaming, "He has a gun!"

Edward's head snapped around toward Mike, but it was too late. Mike yelled, "It's all your fault! You ruined everything!"

I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I found myself leaping in front of Edward. A loud bang filled the air just before I felt a sharp, stinging pain in my shoulder.

"BELLA!" Edward wailed, falling to his knees next to me. He propped me up on his knees, while pressing his hand down against my shoulder. "Baby, no, please, no!"

"E — Edward," I wept, "I — I love you." I raised my hand to his cheek. "T— thank you."

"I love you, too, baby, but please don't leave me," he cried. "Stay with me!"

"E — Edw . . ."

The last thing I remember before the darkness wrapped around me and pulled me under its heavy grip was the feel of Edward's tears on my cheeks, and the sounds of people screaming around me.

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	26. Chapter 26

—SSL—

I wish I could tell you that when I died I saw a bright light at the end of a tunnel, felt the soft flutter of wings brushing across my skin, or even heard the soft serenade of angel's singing. No, people who say that's what they see when they die are full of shit. Pure and utter, fucking shit. Perhaps it was because I'd already died once, and blew my second chance at life, or maybe I never deserved that extra try. Either way, I found myself swimming in a black sea, barely able to keep myself above the surface.

From under the water, I could feel people grabbing at me, trying to pull me under the murky water. The familiarity of their hands left me no doubt at who was trying to take me back into Hell. Screaming and fighting, I tried to pry myself from their treacherous hold, but the harder I did, the further away from the surface they pulled me. I found myself scared; praying for a salivation that I didn't believe would ever come.

But then, just when I was ready to give up and let myself be pulled into the bottomless pits of Hell, I heard a voice in the distance whisper, "Bella, don't stop fighting. I love you."

The hands that were bound around my ankles shirked away. Kicking and screaming, I swam for the surface, trying with all my might to find the voice beckoning for me to keep going. Edward, who even in the shadows of my shattered life, wanted me.

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	27. Chapter 27

—SSL—

The light might not have been at the end of the tunnel when I was dead, but the light in the hospital's emergency room seemed to be brighter than the sun in the middle of July. For anyone who didn't live in the Pacific Northwest at least. When I finally managed to pry my eyes open, I found not only Edward sitting next to my bed, but Charlie, as well. To say I was shocked that my father was sitting there would be an understatement, only because I hadn't been the daughter that he deserved.

"Hey," I whispered, wincing at the throbbing pain in my shoulder. "Fuck that really hurts."

Charlie laughed, though even I could tell that he didn't think it was funny. "Heard that getting shot does."

"Yeah," I muttered, licking my lips. "I'm thirsty."

"Why don't I, um, go get Dr. Cullen," Charlie grumbled, pushing away from my bed. Standing up, he leaned down and kissed my forehead. "Don't ever scare me like that again, honey."

"I didn't mean to," I mumbled. "Not this time."

"I know, honey." Charlie sighed.

Straightening, he looked from me to Edward and nodded. He turned and left. I may not know my father well, but for him to leave me with the boy sitting next to my bed with my hand wrapped tightly in his meant that Charlie trusted Edward. That alone meant everything.

Shifting my eyes over to Edward, I smiled. "Hey."

"Hey," he murmured. Bringing his free hand up, he stroked my cheek. "I thought I'd lost you."

"Me too," I whimpered. "Is it bad?"

Edward sighed. "The . . . bullet when straight through your shoulder. Doc says you're lucky it wasn't any lower. There was a lot of blood, and . . ." Edward huffed, blinking back the tears swimming in his eyes. Turning back to me, he smiled. "Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?" I asked, though I knew exactly what he meant.

Shaking his head, Edward said, "Do you love me?"

My lips trembled, and though it was hard for me to get the words out, I heard myself admitting, "Yes, I'm in love with you."

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	28. Chapter 28

—SSL—

The door to my room opened, pulling Edward and I out of the super heavy moment that we were drowning in. Admitting my feelings for him had been harder than I expected, though I did feel relieved that I wasn't trying to hide anymore.

Charlie came in with a tall, thin blond haired doctor behind him. Normally, I'd be tense around someone new, and a part of me was, but there was a look in his eyes — one that Edward and the rest of the misfits had — that made me feel a bit at ease.

"Honey, this is Dr. Cullen. He was on duty when they brought you in," Charlie explained, gesturing to the man behind him.

"Hi," I whispered.

"Hello, Miss Swan," he laughed, sitting on the side of my bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I've been shot," I replied, dryly. "How are you?"

"Oh, you know," he said, waving a hand nonchalantly. "Didn't sleep great last night. Thought I would sneak in a nap this afternoon, but then they brought you in and, well, I guess that plan went down the drain."

"Sorry, next time I get shot, I will call you first and make sure it's a good time," I snarked.

"Would you?" Dr. Cullen asked. "That would make my life so much better."

Charlie looked horrified, while Edward snickered under his breath. "Jesus fucking Christ, this isn't a joke!"

"Calm down, Charlie." I rolled my eyes and pushed myself up in the bed. Though it hurt like hell, I tried to hide it. However based on the way Charlie's eyes softened, I didn't do a very good job. "We're just bullshitting each other."

"Fine, whatever," Charlie grumbled, folding his arms in front of him.

Dr. Cullen, who seemed to be trying to hide his amusement, turned back to me. "Well, okay, since you busted in here and ruined my day, I thought I'd keep you around for a while. You lost a lot of blood and I want to keep an eye on you."

"I died, right?" I asked. Dr. Cullen's eyes widened. "Don't lie to me. I died, didn't I?"

Dr. Cullen nodded. "For three minutes."

"You brought me back?" I could hear the tremor in my words.

"I did."

Beside me, Edward lifted my hand to his lips. I could feel the tears seeping into my skin. For the first time in a year, I heard myself being honest when I said, "Thank you."

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


	29. Chapter 29

—SSL—

In hindsight, I wish I could say that everything that happened after Mike Newton shot me was perfect. In this "perfect world," Edward and I lived happily ever after together; mine and Charlie's relationship strengthened; and I found myself finally able to move forward from years of anger and pain. Yeah, like I said in the perfect world all of that happened, but life wasn't perfect and nothing was that easy. Sure, Edward and I were . . . whatever we were. Boyfriend/girlfriend? That never sounded right.

And Charlie and I were getting along better, though there were still times when I found it incredibly hard to talk to him. He tried, I could never fault him for that, but years of being told that he didn't want me and if he did that he could have come and gotten me, had done it's damage. We would never have the same father/daughter relationship that we had before Renee dragged me off into Hell, but that was okay. When I found myself with a bullet hole in my shoulder, Charlie was sitting next to my bed, holding my hand and telling me it was going to be okay. Really, that's all I could ask for.

The hardest part came when it was time to go back to school. Charlie had insisted that I stay home for the week after the shooting, stating, "You need your rest."

I could have fought him, but he was scared. I understood that. Hell, so was I. The thought of walking back into that building, the feeling of everyone staring at me again, and their whispers following me again had me fighting to keep from losing my sanity . . . again.

High school could be cruel, a mean bully that cut people at the knees. Mike Newton had taken his anger out on me, though it had come out later that Edward had been his target. Nobody knew it at the time, but Mike Newton's father had beaten him for coming home from school after pissing his pants. Apparently, in the Newton family being weak wasn't allowed and Mike's father had made sure that he learned that lesson. In return, Mike took one of his father's guns and decided to take his anger out on Edward. I just happened to get in the way.

Charlie insisted that he was going to make sure Mike got the help that he needed, and he personally went over to the Newton house and "discussed" the situation over with Mike's father. Charlie returned home with a busted lip and bruised knuckles. My respect for my father grew in that moment. He might not have been able to save me from Hell, but in his own way, he was doing what he could.

Upon my first day back at school, I wasn't sure how I was going to get through it all. Charlie reminded me that he'd let me stay home again if I wanted, but I couldn't hide anymore. For too long I'd hidden myself in the shadows.

Walking into the building, I was already prepared for the stares and whispers. And they didn't disappoint. However, Edward was standing in front of my locker, with Emmett, Rose, Jasper, and Alice. Together, the Misfits Club would preserver. Together, we'd find our way through the darkness.

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for taking the time out to read my story. Your support is amazing!**


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